Film Review: Conan the Barbarian – New and Improved?

Conan The Barbarian (2011)

Directed By: Marcus Nispel

By: Mut “I Know What I’m Talkin Bout” Asheru

Let me step in here and help this film out.  My boo Conan (Jason Mamoa) needs me.  The new Conan The Barbarian film has taken a lot of flack from us flacks.  Some have called the film all kinds of nasty things such as awful and horrible.  I’m here to set the record straight and tell you the truth.

They’re wrong azz hell!

The film successfully handed out what the original Conan The Barbarian became a cult classic for…entertaining beatdowns.  That is where the similarities end.  Not a remake or a rehash by any means.  The title character and his past is borrowed but that’s where the likes-this-and-like-that ends.  Played masterfully by Mamoa, this Conan is faster and prettier. The villain Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) is sexy as hell too with just the right amount of badass to make me think that Conan might not be able to beat the man in a fair fight.

The storyline, such as it was, although plausible didn’t really matter at the end of the day.  What mattered was that I was entertained and would see it again. Gladly so.  Fun, fun, fun.  The remake of  Clash of the Titans sucked.   Conan  doesn’t.  It’s good.  Go see it.  Just don’t go in expecting The Kings Speech for goodness sake.  It has boobs, blood, jokes and fighting.  It also has a handsome as fu&k lead actor with great butt cheeks.  What more do you need?


Conan – Jason Mamoa = Very good, entertaining, believable

Corin – Ron Pearlman = Awesome, believable, adds strength

Khalar Zym  – Stephen Lang  = Very good, adds strength

Marique – Rose McGowan  = Who cares…I was lookin at the men

Tamara – Rachel Nichols = Who cares…I was still lookin at the fellas.  I guess for a Conan love interest she was tough enough.


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