Book Review: “Love Him or Leave Him, But Don’t Get Stuck with the Tab: Hilarious Advice for Real Women” by Loni Love

Loni Love book cover238 pages (Simon & Schuster Paperbacks)

Author: Loni Love:    “….If you’re going to break up and get back together, you can only do it once. I repeat, you can only get together once! ….As Momma Love used to say, there’s no point in leading a horse to a water if he’s only going to kick you in the face.” 

Review by: Melody Charles

Initiating, dating, mating, initiating, cohabiting—let’s ‘keep it 100’ here and admit that few things in life are more complicated than romantic relationships. If we aren’t a part of one, we’re thinking of finding him/her or, just maybe, we’re hoping we can escape the mess we created with the last so-called Mr./Ms. Right.

But love being a battlefield doesn’t mean that you need to get scarred up all the time either, which is what comedian, actress and talk show host (FOX/BET’s The Real) Loni Love reminds readers of in her new book Love Him or Leave Him, But Don’t Get Stuck With The Tab: Hilarious Advice For Real Women.

As a Detroit native and the daughter of a single mom, Loni had to cultivate street smarts and common sense early on in the game. After switching from engineering to stand-up comedy and making TV appearances, her down-to-earth approach has earned followers, fans and yes, folks stepping to her as if she were a trained therapist and asking for her advice. Some celebs rightfully earn the the side-eye with theirs, but Ms. Love’s experiences and observations are as, well, real as they come (pun intended).

Her intro states the premise that too many of us should’ve learned long time ago, but missed the lesson on: “You can love him or leave him, but always remember that putting yourself first is the most important step in finding love.” She will have folks laughing out loud when she speaks to some of the most common—-and crazy—-single and married scenarios:

“Don’t treat the date like a job interview: unless you’re an FBI or Secret Service, you don’t need to be asking your date a whole bunch of questions about his past. That’s what Google is for.” 

“Go to the costume store and buy yourself a platinum-blonde wig and a tight dress and greet your man at the door as Marilyn Monroe, Nicki Minaj or Spongebob Squarepants, if that’s what he’s into (I’m not judging).” 

“Do you want to marry a man who acts like he’s still single? Or do you want a relationship with someone who you can let use your computer without worrying about instant messages from PlentyOfAss.com?”

Does Loni ever inject serious moments? Of course—-when she’s recounting the too-high price a teenage friend paid for picking the wrong boyfriend (“For all the times she’d done my hair, I did hers one last time, for her funeral”) and when a woman cheating with another woman’s husband wants to put the dog on blast for getting yet another chick on the side (“So you want to call up his ‘unbalanced’ wife to tell her, ‘Your husband is cheating on us”? Get the f&%& outta here.”).

Take it from a married lady: Loni’s book would be a great gift to those clueless girlfriends, co-workers and relatives who don’t get why they can’t find a good date or get past the ‘going dutch hook-up’ stage of relationships. If this describes your cousin or you want to increase your own odds of coupling up, Love Him Or Leave Him… gets you there with plenty of laughs along the way. Happy ‘hunting’!

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